I have too much stupid shit going on in my life, and it's interfering with my natural abilities to make myself happy. So I am done with a couple of things:
1. I am done with every single social event being "important" for some reason or another. Most of it really isn't, most of it is just people getting drunk and stupid - including me.
2. I am done with bars. Going to a bar is not something to do, it is a place where I waste my money and my talents.
3. I am done with drinking, period, for at the very least a month. I might drink for Natasha's birthday party. I might drink for my birthday party. These are a month away.
4. I am done explaining myself to people who aren't even my friends. If a bunch of acquaintances think I'm a stupid bitch, even based on rumors and false information, they can bloody well think it.
5. I am done looking for more/new companionship at every turn - be this friends or cuddle buddies or random make-outs (this latter hasn't been that interesting in awhile anyway). I am perfectly capable of being alone when the people I really want to see aren't available - due to work or other things going on. I also already have a decent set of caring human beings who I call my friends, and a good portion of those people are my roommates. What more do I need?
6. I am done with horror movie night. I stay too late, even when I'm not drinking I don't leave until 3 in the morning.
7. I am done watching stupid television DVD series as something to kill time when I am alone. Books, art, bike rides, projects, cleaning the house, balancing my checkbook, etc. These are things to do with free time.
8. I am done with staying out and going out when in fact I am quite tired. Being tired means I should go home and get rest.
Basically I am officially breaking up with vast parts of my social life. I am an intelligent, creative person. I am wasting my fucking time with bullshit, which is why I am so confused about my emotions. Ecstatic highs of social rambunctiousness followed by guilt over my actions and emotional let down when the events are over is fucking worthless.
It is high time to turn into homemaker, sober, boring, reader, responsible, me. Being social all the time leaves me no room to work on me and who I want to be. And as a friend once said, we are our actions.