So...I haven't really been home much. Frankly, I don't really like it here when P is here. Liz and I had to play on the fuckin couch the other day and keep it down so as not to have him disturbed. He is supposed to move out at the end of the month. I am quitting my nonprofit job so I can afford him moving out that soon. Is it worth it? I should say so. Why pay $350 for an apartment you are never at when you could pay $700 to be comfortable in your own home. I will then be able to have people over whenever I want, without worrying about wierd ex and sleeping situations. I can volunteer at the nonprofit so as to help them transition and maintain good relations and all that.
Fuck the $5000 educational stipend. I can make that much more on my own anyway. Going from 9K to 14K isn't that hard a leap. I could make 14K working at a fast food place, shit. I've decided I want to make at least 24K, after taxes. I went to fuckin college, I should be able to make some decent money. Anyway, the plan right now is to go back to the sex industry, volunteer, save cash, buy a car, and fuckin travel around the USA. Travel partner or no travel partner. Fuck it.
It's my life, right? And I certainly am not very stable or healthy right now. Need some reactionary time, been through some major shit in the past couple years and really am not ready for grad school...give it time. I have my whole life to "make it," whatever the hell that means. Taking a year to fuck off (on purpose, compared to previously where it was just because I couldn't seem to land that nonprofit job) is my perogative. Seriously any place that I would really want to work for isn't going to curse me for taking a year to travel and shit.
Miserably completing my year at nonprofit while working at club on the side and having no time to enjoy myself isn't living the life I want to live. Quit, quit, quit! Then I can volunteer there and be in complete control of when I am to be there or not there. I have the flexibility to earn other places and still enjoy the office. Because I really do enjoy the people I work with, and I think the org is a good one.
Damn, this is going to be a relief...just to have made a fucking decision, rather than floundering about wondering what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh, PS: I realized that maybe the reason I have felt like such a fucking mess lately is because lately I have only sporadically been taking the We!!butrin I was prescribed to aid in smoking cessation. The shit is an anti-depressant, I think it's probably a good idea to either be fully on or fully off of it. So I've started carrying my bottle around with me so that when I don't go home for days I can still be on track. Speaking of on track, I have failed to get my birth control for two weeks now. I need to pick that up...I need to do a lot of shit. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to accomplish the majority of it.