Okay. Really fun weekend, M's bachelorette party. Jana did a good job planning it, and I even had $8 left over afterwards.
Then took vacation day on Monday coz I was exhausted. Then went out on Monday night coz it was Cory & Jaco's b-days. Then took another vacation day today. BossMan asked me if everything was okay when I asked if he minded if I took another day although I had given terrible notice. I sighed and said mostly, we'll talk about it when I get in tomorrow. So I'm taking this opportunity to tell the people at work that P and I are no more. I guess it's shitty to take emotions I felt strongly a couple of months ago and use them as an excuse to not come into work today. Though I suppose that some of my acting out is probably related to the situation with P and I. It will be odd having this place to myself. I hope I like it more than not. I've never lived alone before. Well, in the dorms I had a single room, but that doesn't really count as living alone since people and friends were just out the hallway.
I'm at this crossroads between being sick of being broke and wanting to travel around. I have six months left of this job and my heart isn't really in it. I like the people and a lot of what goes on, I don't like the nine to five aspect of it. Mostly I'm having a hard time because the people I feel happy spending time with have completely opposite schedules from mine.
T now says maybe she can't afford to travel for a couple of years yet. So..probably back to square one. There are no more organizing jobs left at my place of work, they can only have any one Amer!Corps position for three years, and this is their third year. So I will not be returning to this place, since I definitly am not interested in another year in the position I'm in now.
That means I can either get a real job, or go travel & strip sommore. If I put off the travelling, who knows when it will get done? But I also really don't think I want to do it alone. I'm just not in that mindset right now. I've done everything in my life alone, and I want someone to share these experiences with. T is a good candidate because she's relaxed, responsible but fun, solid-headed, reliable, etc.
I've been thinking about moving to New York, it's the only place I can think of that I would leave all the friendships I've established here for. I've been thinking about grad school again. I like school, and I can settle down and get serious but I am just not certain what direction to take. I think law sometimes, others I think public policy, others that school in Vermont, others I think I should just work my way into enough experience to not be broke all the time...
Theoretically, though, this should be the brokest I ever am while working 40 or more hours a week. I'm fucking sick of worrying about money all the time. I don't have any kids and I have a decent education and am able bodied and live in a decent economy (alhamdulilaah). Well, I chose this route and I'm going to see it through. There is no fucking way I'm going to do another year with Amer!Corps. Why don't they let you get a part time job? If I could work weekday evenings that would keep me out of trouble and give me enough income to stay the fuck away from the uncertainty of the club.
Well, enough ranting and bitching for now. Venting about this shit is probably necessary but isn't going to change any of it. Just go to bed, and deal with shit one moment at a time.