So I broke down and quit quitting when I was drunk. I know that bars are a trigger and I know that it was foolish to go to them. I also know that I have been doing NOTHING for weeks and I was tired of it. So tired of it that I am going to go back to the club this weekend and work because being this broke means you can only do free things and those sorts of things get really goddamned boring.
So...I went on a bender and smoked like 7 cigarettes. Whatever. I need some cash and the club is like a giant ashtray. It's going to be so lame going back there, but it's going to be so nice being able to go out to eat or to a movie or whatever the hell I want.
I'm coughing a lot today, which means my lungs actually started working again. They aren't beaten into submission anymore.
I really don't know how to go to a bar and not smoke, it's just too wierd. I can make it at a party if there is no smoking allowed in the house. I can decide not to take that extra step and go outside.
I'm really happy Mpls. is having a smoking ban go into effect soon...I should really look it up when. I heard March, but it's March and I was in two smokey bars last night. Okay, apparently it's on March 31st. Fuckin SWEET. I think it may be shitty for some businesses, but it's good for my health. And just because I smoked last night doesn't mean I don't still want to quit. God it will be so much easier when the ban takes effect.
Yeah, yeah, I could always avoid bars and whatever but I like getting loaded with my friends at our favorite taverns. I am much happier when I get to leave the house and run around bullshitting and creating mayhem once in awhile.
I interact better with Ponge, feel less depressed, enjoy the oh so familiar walls of my apartment more, etc. It's how people bond round here and it may not be very healthy or responsible but I like it, dammit.
Anyway, some day (enchallah) I will be pregnant and then nursing so I won't get to do any of this crap for at least a year or two. No drinking and smoking and being out all night... some day I will settle down and chill out and all that but as long as it's not out of control I don't think I should try to force myself into being some calm soup making knitter. Not that I don't do those things as well, but I don't have to do just those things.