Cold avocado soup is better on the second day. Which is a relief, because we have a hell of a lot of it. I've never made a cold soup before, and it seems like kind of a stupid thing to make in the winter. However, I wanted to incorporate more raw vegetables and such into our diets and this soup couldn't get any more healthy if it tried. Avocado, tomatoes, onion, cucumber, yogurt, vegetable broth, jalepeno, lemon, garlic, and some spices & a bit of oil & vinegar. All blended up into an orangey slop.
It feels good to be putting healthy foods into my body. Food like that, you can pretty much eat as much as you want because your body is much better equiped to digest it than, say, french fries. Well, I finally perfected my home made fries and won't be giving those up any time soon, but if I'm balancing uber healthy deliciousness with terrible for you deliciousness...well, I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
In other news, I am still definitly in my I am going to fucking kill anyone I'm interacting with phase. Man, Ponge and I were sort of messing around last night and I was like, hey let's have some sex before we both fall asleep. Basically I wasn't that turned on but it had been about a week and I figured even mediocre sex is a stress reliever/endorphin releaser whatever. But it was terrible. At first we had to go slow because I was a little tight and needed to get things stretched out in there, and then I couldn't feel anything at all. I was vaguely aware that there was a dick in me, but felt absolutely nothing. I reached down to see if Ponge was even hard because it seemed odd. He was soft. I asked how long ago he had come and he said maybe like 10 seconds.
Mutherfuck! I was pissed. How many times do I have to tell him to TELL ME or just STOP after he comes? With all the other shit I'm stressing on right now, the last bloody thing I need is for a slippery came-in condom to slip off and get me pregnant. He was trying to assure me it hadn't slipped at all and blah blah blah. If he's going to be that irresponsible then we aren't going to have heteronormative intercourse anymore.
Then I got up to go piss and clean myself up & the floor in the bathroom was wet along with the top of the sink. I quickly figured out that this was because Ponge had pissed into the sink and then used water from the faucet to clean his dick off (Islam dicates washing with water after going potty). Fuckin gross, dude. I have also requested that he NOT piss in the sink because the last thing I need is little piss droplets splashing back up from the sink onto the counter, our toothbrushes, the floor, whatever. Brushing my teeth with his piss is not what I want of my home.
So there was piss-water all over the fucking counter, which I had just cleaned that day; and all over the floor, which I had also just cleaned that day. I said all this shit in this disgusted what the mutherfuck tone of voice. I didn't even know where to start with cleaning it up and he just told me to get out of the bathroom, it's not the end of the world, he would clean it up. I said okay but don't use the fucking toilet paper. I saw him reaching for this & don't want a whole roll of expensive (seventh generation) toilet paper used when we could just as easily use a towel.
He came to bed eventually. Then after a minute he rolled over & gave me a little kiss on the cheek and said he was sorry for being so stupid. So I said it was okay, and I was sorry for being so bitchy. I said that this was the point when I usually fail in my quitting. It's not the first couple days when my lungs are burning with desire. It's the time when I feel like shit, or crazy, or angry, or miserable, or all of the above; and start treating everyone like shit. When I am swamped in the worst parts of me. That's when I usually decide it's not worth it and I should just start again.
He is actually doing a good job of realizing that it's the nicotine. He's never done that before. Before he was reacting to my nicotine-withdrawal actions as if it was just me being shitty.
In other news, my mom is going to send us a check. I asked for one or two hundred dollars. One hundred will get us by. Two hundred will get us by and give us a chance to replace the basics when we run out - soy milk, bread, eggs, etc.
In addition, I am going to pick up the cat tomorrow! Yay! He's nine months, neutered, has all his shots, and has one of those chips implanted. I've had the cat food, litter, dishes, and lint roll all ready now for awhile. It will be nice to put food and water in the dishes and welcome a living being into my home. Yay! I don't remember what his name is but I remember that I thought it was stupid. I think I will re-name him.
Stray cats get renamed all the time, he'll figure it out.