I wonder about me. I see people who write or say that they "love the cock." Well, I don't "love the cock." I don't get off on the power I have over the cock - namely, that if I want to I get get male partners to come in like three minutes.
I don't love the pussy either, I don't think. I've never eaten anyone out, and I don't really have a desire to. I don't fanatasize about pussy. I fantasize about women, yes. They are clad in amazing leather and latex gear. Shiny. Black. Tight. They do not have large breasts. Cleavage freaks me out.
With men, I feel like I can't unleash all my sexiness because they just pop their load. So sex is boring because I don't have to try? I've been trying to help Ponge understand what I like, but it's hard. V suggested I get the hitachi magic wand because it's head is so big that it makes it easy for your partner to get the right spot.
I think I should try to find an SNM party in my local area, for a better intro to that sort of sex. I fantasize about certain aspects of that sex all the time. The outfits, spanking, whipping, being tied up, play rape, light asphyxiation, sadism, masochism, etc. I know I am NOT interested in scat or water play. I can experiment with Ponge, but I would like to have an "expert" partner to introduce me to it. To take me and mold me, yum.
Regular sex is just so dissatisfying. It always has been. I think I've had really great sex one time in my life, and that was with Ponge. It also lasted like four hours from start to finish. I had multiples that night. Maybe we just don't usually have that kind of energy at the same time in our day to day.
It's not like we're particularly busy...it annoys me that this subject is so difficult. I'm used to figuring things out pretty fast. I feel like I know myself pretty well, but this whole sex thing fucks that all up. Like maybe the sex isn't good because I have some major turn on that I haven't experienced yet? Maybe it's psychological? All the books I've read are like - play with yourself to figure out what you like then teach your partner. My attempts at teaching my partner how to use my toy in the way I do have so far just resulted in frustration.
Do people ever really figure this shit out? Am I just sexually retarded? I was a late bloomer sexually. Didn't get me rag until I was almost 16, barely got breasts, didn't start lusting after people until lately. I have a hard time maintaining my female hard on, I get turned off in the middle of what I'm doing.
Maybe I should find a sex psychologist? Shit. Any commentary, dland?