I fuckin hate the holidays. Even if I don't spend any money on presents, there is missing work and travel expenses to stress over. If the holidays weren't coming up I maybe could quit my job right now, just be done. Just go work at fuckin Wendy's or something until my Dream Job comes through. But there is Xmas and New Years to think about, and people want us down for both. Maybe we just can't afford it. Maybe we could invite my mother up for Xmas and she can teach us how to cook a turkey. Maybe it won't be the fuckin end of the world if I don't make it to Nate's New Year's party. Shit, there is always next year, right?
Then there is the problem of Tabaski. Tabaski is January 21st. It's a religious holiday in Senegal. It celebrates when Abraham was going to kill his son in devotion to god, but then god was like - hey, just kidding, why don't you eat this lamb instead? So in Senegal you are supposed to have new clothes and a lamb to kill and eat and all this other money requiring whatnot. Like Xmas here, only people probably haven't forgotten so much of the religious part of it. Where this comes in is Ponge is putting a great deal of pressure on himself to send a bunch money home to his grandma and such.
I agree with this to a point of necessity, but it means that I have to put having a normal fucking life on hold, though this one is driving me crazy. I get all whiny about it, then I think about his dad and how not only does he not ever see his wife, he lives in a whole different country from her to try to provide for his family.
I don't know what the hell to feel. I want to quit. I would quit right after this weekend & next Tuesday at the Smalltown Club if I thought we could afford it. I wish Ponge was awake so we could crunch some numbers.
Shit. Fuck it, I'm not going down to Madison for the holidays if that means I can quit that piss hole and spend some fuckin time with my husband.