It's been - what - two months since I started my current job? I am boring of it, and disliking some of it's effects on my personality. One thing, it is making me greedy & spendy. When I first started, I was glad to be taking home $100 at night. That's still $12.50 an hour, but now that doesn't satisfy me and I feel like I could have made more or like it wasn't even worth it to go in. I can't even remember what I used to make...so far this month I have made like $1300, but I only have a little over $700 left after bills and food and miscillaneous crap. Certainly I could cut down on eating out and get to the grocery store more often. I think I would feel better, too, if I was making my own nutritious food rather than eating greasy crap all of the time. So in order to accomplish this, I need to start changing patterns very slowly. For example, I could plan one new (re: from a cookbook or online) meal per week. That way I can start to get out of the rut of eating the same things I'm tired of eating all the time. The other advantage is that the only cook books I have are vegan and vegetarian, so I can start re-exploring that manner of eating. Chicken tenders aren't exactly exploding with nutrition and social/environmental responsibility.
So.. the other thing about the job's effect on my personality is that my mind is in the gutter so goddamn much & I feel totally comfortable talking about all manner of sexual topics that maybe other people (i.e. besides my stripper co-workers, with whom I spend the majority of my socializing) think are private or inappropriate. I forget to use that simple gift of tact, which is hard enough as is since I have always been fairly blunt. It also is affecting the way I view men, especially while drunk. I see them as more distinct from women than I ever have really believed, I feel like this industry is retarding my understandings of gender identity and sexual variance while it may be increasing my own comfort with my body and willingness to try new things in my own private sex life.
Speaking of my own private sex life. Ladies and gentlepersons, for the first time in my entire life, in the very early morning hours of Wednesday, October the 20th, I had an orgasm induced by a partner. Not only did I have an orgasm induced by a partner, but I had TWO OF THEM, probably 15 seconds apart! YAY YAY YAY YAY! I am not sexually dysfunctional, I am not destined to be with another sex or gender if I want at all ever to have orgasmic sex, I am not only capble of orgasmic sex, I am capable of the here-to-fore mythic land of MULTIPLES. Goddamn.
Ponge and I took a bubble bath & played. The water was very hot, we poured cold water on each other's genitals & played in other ways. Then I gave him the first head he's ever gotten from me, and judging by how quick he came and all the noise he made, I apparently was very good at it, all rubbing his perenium (skin between his nutsack and bumhole) during & after he came & everything. Then we pulled out the Toy. The vibrating cock ring with clit stimulator attachment. He pressed and rubbed it against my clit & vaginal opening with me directing when to finger me and how slow or fast to go for a very long time. I was absolutely in ecstasy, pawing at him and making all manner of noise myself...then he wanted to try a fantasy of his. He laid down face up and wore the cock ring. He wanted me to lay down on top of him, also face up. But instead I sat on top & faced his feet, my butt towards him. I controlled the toy & the penetration & it was then I had my double orgasm.
I was done a couple minutes after that, so deep into it that I actually said shit like oh...my...god and holy shit, holy shit! And, also for the first time ever, I was done before he was! And not because I just got bored and impatient, but because I fucken orgasmed! Hurrah to marathon sex. The whole session lasted over two hours. Lots and lots and lots of foreplay, no shit. And when he gets off first he has more energy to get me off rather than just groping all over me in his own want while trying to get me off. Yeah, now I know what it means to be "deep in."
..
Back to the whole rest of my life/career/whatever.
Basically, I want a house. I want a dog. I want a car. Car options are either to save up and buy a piece of shit, or buy a new car and make payments. Buying a piece of shit is something I can do while still stripping. Buying a new car I would want to wait until Ponge has work and I've moved on from stripping, so that I can be sure we can continue to afford payments after I've moved on from stripping.
I want a dog. And a house. I can't really get a dog until I have a house, because I am not going to keep a dog in an apartment. I want all of those things set up, and a good steady job that will allow us to decide to have a baby. I really think I should have my first by the time I'm 28, which is in a little over four years. So that means, if we are able, we have about four years to get some real basic shit together. Lots and lots of people raise kids in an apartment complex, but I am under the impression that we can get a mortgage that won't really be much more than we are currently paying for rent. Right now I have good credit, and I hope things can stay that way (barring whatever unforseen events).
Oh, and HEALTH INSURANCE. I really don't know what to do. I keep not knowing what to do and I keep worrying and not actually researching it.
God our apartment is warm. It must be 80 degrees in here. Well, at least we don't pay for the heat....