Just a quick entry before showering & going to bed.
Ponge and I had great sex today. I haven't wanted to have sex in like a week or three and today we were laying down together and I got all turned on and fucked him good, then we went into doggie style, then I had him fuck me. It really, really helps if I have a lot of clit play during sex and a lot of ass smacking during doggie style. I'd been feeling shitty because I haven't been wanting to have sex and he doesn't want to have sex unless I'm as into it as he is. The fact that I don't orgasm (yet! goddammit!) kind of wierds him out, he doesn't really get that I still enjoy sex even though I don't cum or orgasm. Today I really enjoyed it, like I haven't in a long time. A hell of a lot of it is mental, and I was in the right mental place.
Honestly, what started turning me on like crazy was the thought of us getting pregnant and having a baby together. It was really odd. A friend of mine and his fianc� just found out they were pregnant so I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I was laying there with him thinking about how if we were in a good financial situation right now I would want to have a child really soon (no I have not forgotten our recent difficulties). A one-bedroom isn't a place to raise a baby if it can be helped and I probably have no goddamn clue what I'm thinking of when I think I am ready for a baby. But really, people I know who have unplanned babies (95% of the people I know's kids weren't planned) seem like they are doing alright. Fuck, though, the thought of it turned me on like mad. The idea of having sex for the purpose of having a baby was so amazingly attractive. Usually, when we have sex I have this little worry in me that is afraid of getting pregnant. This, if it is strong enough, turns me off completely. The other night that happened...I have run out of birth control and I was too worried about getting pregnant to want to have sex at all (even though we use condoms).
Well. I should really get to Planned Parenthood this week to get some birth control. Not that the majority of the strippers I work with don't have kids, but I don't want to be a mom and a stripper at the same time. Health insurance is good, normal hours are good, being out of work for whatever period I can't dance because I'm lactating or pregnant is bad.
Ponge starts school next week. He is really determined to make it work - he's going to bus an hour out to the burbs to take these Nursing Assistant classes. He should be able to make decent money doing that, and it can be a career - unlike all the shit jobs he's been forced to apply to around here. He wants to know if I can send $200 to Senegal at the end of the month for his half-siblings for school supplies. I said that as long as our expenses are met, we can do that no problem. I think, though, that he feels bad having to ask me for the money rather than just having his own. Which is kind of a good thing in a way; it will steel his determination to succeed at this NA deal. He is not used to reading and studying and I think that it will be a challenge for him. Which, in turn, should increase his reading ability and self-confidence and whatnot.
Well, I need to wash the make-up, sweat, cigarette smoke, and god knows what else off of my body and go to bed. Tonight wasn't bad for a Monday. I took home $160 in dance money and $75 in tips. This one guy that I sat and talked with for a long time gave me a twenty just for offering him a piece of gum - it was really odd. He said he will see me tomorrow. We'll see if he actually comes in, I've heard that a lot and only seen it materialize a few times.