Hmmmm....there are lots of things I hate about the el3cto-8 b!t scene/young hip art scene (come to think of it, spelling that in 7331 probably increases the chance of someone I know finding it) in Minneapolis. I hate people with outfits that look like a magazine. I hate people that spend more time putting on makeup and hair product than they do reading (things other than magazines). I hate how dramatic and uberkewl everyone has to act. I hate being instantly bored by someone. I hate some specific characters in the scene. I hate the pretension (obvious). I hate the assumption that what they care about is the most important thing to care about. I hate my emotional energy being bogged by the negative aspects of that scene and the evening.
I like being exposed to people who are nothing like who I usually am exposed to. I do think it's good for a person to get out of whatever comfort zone they have, and I do think a lot of my activities of late roll around in this particularly insular comfy place. Not that there are some discomforts within, but I pretty much never meet anyone new or try to meet anyone new. Not anyone I keep track of, anyway.
I think it's interesting that I've met a lot of those people on several occasions, and I don't remember not only their names but even their faces. Apparently I didn't take much notice. Does this make me stuck up? Or does it make them unremarkable?
I hate that I don't know who was lying or stealing. I don't know J4k3 all that well, so I have no idea if he's telling the truth or not. I don't think I'll be setting up anything with a person I'm not sure I can trust.
That eve completely left me wanting to get the fuck out of Minneapolis (This weather is not helping--I think the high for today was 7 degrees, and it's getting worse over the next couple of days).
I hated just about everyone and everything. I felt utterly abandoned by my friends. I went into the bathroom to bawl at one point. I was sitting on the toilet, shitting and crying. Some guy walked in as I stated "occupied..." I forgot to lock the door. I'm sure that was an interesting sight. I was totally exhausted in just about every possible way. Tons of shit went wrong, but it was all shit that wasn't apparent to the unknowing never thrown something of that complexity eye. So everyone kept going, hay having fun? Yay!
But I was not. Not only was I not having a splendid time, but the stress of having to pretend that I wasn't as totally burnt out as I actually was further crumbled my barely assembled personage. I tried to dance to let off some of the emotional baggage, but physically defeated as I was, I wasn't able to keep it up for long.
Sigh.
I want to put a lot of it behind me. But I want to remember, too. So that when I am considering a next move, a next venture, I remember how much support I really need in order to be functional.
The eve could have gone splendidly. We should have made lots of money. We should have had good security. Security! GOD! J4k3! I told you, I emphasized every time - we need security ALL NIGHT LONG. FOUR PEOPLE MINIMUM. Fuck. Well, I suppose he can see now what sort of problems arise when you don't. Why don't people listen? Hopefully he will take that into account when he plans future things. Given the trust issue, I don't know that I'll be planning anything with him - on the level of getting a new venue going, that is. Other levels, we'll see.
I'd like to bring some more down to earth people into the vision that he has. I think it's a good one, I just think that his particular networks and my particular networks need to inform each other a little more. I was a little bored with how judgmental my friends were being about everyone there. Most of them didn't talk to anyone outside their own circle of comfort, and then assumed that everyone was a superficial snob. Some were, surely, but really, people are just fucking people (despite my hate marathon above, definitely there is plenty of shit I hate about west bankers and crusties, but they aren't the "group" that has been emotionally weighing me down lately).
Well. Can't we all just get along, n shit.