Notebook entry from yesterday evening:
I just wandered around Marshall Fields for a minute, wasting time and satisfying curiosity. The place is amazing - I can't imagine how it's so popular. The goods probably appeal to a norm population, much the same as Sears or Target. But everything is so overpriced as to be unbelievable. They had racks and racks of that ugly fake fur coat you find in plenty at every thrift shop in the Midwest, selling at near $700. Simple bags of unknown brands for $170; belts for $60. I didn't look at the jewelry. Poor quality winter hats (utterly decorative and not uniquely at that) selling for $50.
Who the hell has the funds to shop like that? If the elite are such a small segment of our society, why were there so many people in there? And the place exudes exclusion. I wandered, pretending to be interested in the wares when my real mission was just to check out the prices. Amazing. Amazing at the complete idiocy of paying that much - and to what purpose? Do you tell people you spent that much or that you bought it at Marshall Fields? Or does it just make you feel good and worthy everywhere you go?
I walked tall, idley, sensing and acting out on the urge to pretend I could afford anything I touched. One poor quality coat was worth a month in my apartment - nay, two, as I only pay half.
How did society get so ridiculous and how have we survived this long as such? Assinine.
Tonight I have plans with G-dog. Time to re-establish a friendship I value. Sometimes desire is worth more than fulfillment. And who am I to be hurt over who likes who? It is what it is - grieve, accept, move on. At the very least I got a real sense of what I want sexually; took me closer to accepting and loving my "freak" nature - knowing it will be an important aspect of future relationships.
I wonder where Amelia is, we were supposed to go to a show tonight. She offered to drive but I heard her car was broken. I hope the show is bus-able, I would still like to go.
Eventually Gabe and Amelia showed up at the bar I was reading at. We dropped Gabe off and went to the show. I had over all a very good time. Afterwards we went to yea local queer bar and I ended up dancing with some really cute girl and we kissed some. I got her number and invited her to my birthday party.
However, I also found out through Gabe that Iz's dad died on Thanksgiving morning. Suck. I felt really fucked up about it - how could he have passed away nearly a week ago and this was the first I was hearing about it?? Then I calmed down. I was out of town until Sunday and last night was the first time I had socialized since I got back. Tuesday I called and asked Tom if he wanted to go out to a bar near my apartment and he said there was a memorial at another bar we attend regularly. I thought he was talking about this person I had never met that I heard had died, so I said "oh I didn't know him at all so I would feel like a jackass going."
If I had only known, the memorial was for Isabelle's dad! Fucking A. I then recalled that she had called me on Friday or Saturday but not left a message. At the time I just assumed she was calling to hang out and didn't call her back since I wasn't in town anyway.
I called her today to give her my condolences, but she didn't answer her phone. I will try again later tonight.
I can't even imagine, she was closer to Morgan than a lot of us and now she's lost her dad in the same month.
positive side note added after hours of web-surfing: I bought the Aeon Flux DVD set today at Kmart. Yay! My first DVD purchase ever. I also couldn't resist the urge to buy Heathers.