total my so called life entry.
so, it's like, people either grew up with family and were fucked up by it; or like, had no family and are currently fucked up by that.
i'm mostly in the latter category. but i realize that just because you had a stay at home mom that you have lots of memories with, doesn't mean your absent workoholic dad is less painful, or that you have a positive feeling towards your mother figure.
my family always seemed totally fucking normal to me as a kid, but the more i hang out with other humans the more i realize most people actually have familial obligations and such. my whole family is so small. not even small, like, huge, but still small. as in, technically i have some fair amount of family members, but i barely even talk to the few i used to have regular contact with - namely, my mom and brother.
what the fuck is it about the goddamn holiday season that makes me bash my head against my life so hard concerning my family?
i hate this time of year more than any other, although i have lingering feelings of nostalgia and expectations of good will.
its getting so i dont even fucking care about halloween anymore - the pre-holiday pressure is even creeping in there.
but FUCK i stated I was DETERMINED not to let holiday misery/ winter depression get to me this year.
meow. meow. meow.